Earthlings Mums Community Forum.

TONIGHT WE WATCHED CLOSE UP ON TV1 THE BIT REGARDING THE MILKY BAR KID (especially turned it over from Shortland Street so we could view) THE FAMILY WAS TOTALLY HAPPY WATCHING IT, AND THEN THEY PUT AN EX MILKY BAR KID ON, SAYING HOW HE HAD SWAYED IN HIS ADULTHOOD AND GOT INTO DRUGS!!!! (in my head I am saying "what has this got to do with them trying to find the new milky bar kid") AND THEN THEY SHOWED A PICTURE OF A P PIPE, (I instantly hit the remote, and turned it back to Shortland Street. I was highly disgusted, that it went from a child friendly subject to something that my 13, 11 and 9 year were not aware of, why would Close Up ruin such a great childhood idol with an adult addiction? I really feel like writing in, and complaining, but what good would it do, it has passed and my children have already seen this (pipe). Has anyone else ever been offended by the tele? Would love to hear!

Im a solo mum living on a  benefit I see my dreams getting further away than Id like. I always dreamed that by 25 own  a house and have a baby and by 30 own a business but along the way I made a bad decision which left me bankrupt at 20 so now I cant get a home loan til at least 27. I did have an unplanned baby at 24. But I now dont see my dream of a business possible. With todays economic times you need a whooping 25% deposit so for even a $200000 house you need $50000 on a benefit thats never going to be acheivable so I need a job and career. Ive been thinking alot about this lately. What will I try next? Ive been a chef, house keeper, waitress, bar tender, caregiver, fast food worker, a sales rep to name a few yes I know thats alot of jobs but here in a small town they are mainly seasonal. I now have the added problem of having a 1yr old employers here dont take kindly to that. My loves in life are photography but it is so costly. At the moment the course is on special at $700 and I can do it from home but in my present situation its not acheiveable. I love children so thought that maybe I should be a teacher but then Id have to get a huge student loan that would end up being more than a deposit for a house. Will I ever be able to acheive my dreams? All Id love to do is put a roof over Brees head and be finacial stable for her furture.

First off I apologise for the rant but Im really rather angry at the moment! Im so sick of being made to feel guilty or a sponger for having to rely on welfare as my sole income at the moment. There seems to be such a stigma here in the UK about it and Im fed up of it. I really wish that people would take a look at the bigger picture sometimes instead of just lumping everyone together. Yes, there are people who take the mick and have lots of kids just to sit at home and claim it but Im not like that and feel embarrassed that Ive ended up in this situation. Ive been looking for employment fo the past year but everything I go for either doesnt have suitable hours or they want someone with more experience. What people dont see is that I dont have family or a partner to rely on to help with child care so I can only work between 9 and 5 on week days...as the only experience I have is in retail then most stores want me to work evenings and weekends too...and I just dont have the childcare to do that. They also dont see that I cant just leave Josh with anyone as he has special needs....a lot of child minders wont take him because of that. What really bugs me is that I get all the flack for not working but neither of my kids dads pay a penny to help provide for them....but they seem to get away with it!! Its so wrong!! Sometimes I look at whats written about people in my situation and I feel as though some people get some sick kick out of making me feel bad...if some similar things were written against people of different ethnic origin or sexual preference than it would be deemed as being prejudice but somehow its ok to call me all the names under the sun. I would never go out of my way to make anyone feel bad for the way they are forced to live!!

Hey girls :)
I haven't been on in a LONG time and I'm sorry for that, but thanks Hannah for the message and reminding me to come back :D

Hmm..where to begin..

Me & Hubby are doing better than ever,
we had a separation in which I lost my best friend 'Dannie' as she an hour after Josh & I ended was ringing him telling him to apply for Full custody then  tried to weasel her way into his life and get into his pants.. :/
Was back with him after  a week and everything has been a LOT better since :)

Mum, Belle & I went to Australia in March to meet my Brother for the first time who was taken from my Mum by his father (different to mine) for no reason, he literally just walked into Mum's house and stole him as a baby and threatened Mum with a gun to head that if she ever tried to see, contact or get him back that he'd kill her. She tried but not even the police could do anything :'( He's 23 now, and is getting married, his Fiance is also named Stephanie who is the same age as me :)  and has 2 kids :) Mia who is 6 and Zavier who is 18 months :)
We were  over there a week and it was so hard to come back to NZ and leave them behind, but we are moving back to Oz on the 31st of July :D (3 1/2 weeks) and I am back in contact now with my Biological Father who we saw when we were over there :)
He LOVES Belle so much lol!!

So we are out of our house in 2 1/2 weeks and moving with Crown and our 2 cats are coming with us :)

I'm SO wanting another baby but we are waiting because of the move and we want to be in our own place and financially ready for another baby lol, and Bella keeps us very pre occupied! LOL

She has 16 Teeth and is getting 4 more Molars :) She still handles teething really well, she got 8 teeth in 2-3weeks! And didn't hold up any fuss lol
She started walking at 10months and now walks, runs, jumps and dancing to ANY music she hears! She LOVES music :D
She says Mum, Dad, GranMum/GranMummy, Cat, Bye, Kisses, Up, Book & Waves Hello & Bye :D She's doing so much!! She LOVES her fruits & yoghurts lol

She loved it so much in Oz! And was so close to her cousins :D

 Mum had an accident a few months back, and had a deep laceration to her head, and it has made her back worse, and she also has a fractured right arm (she landed in it in her fall), and sprained wrist so is now in a cast because it wasn't healing right

Hmmm.. I am having so much trouble losing weight, mainly cos of how busy we are now with the move, with me being the Mum around the house and
I help look after Mum with any help she needs, I have Zumba and LOVE it, but haven't been able to do it much yet lol
Hoping that after the move everything settles down I'll be back on track :D
Dad is gonna do Zumba with me and we're gonna do kick boxing too lmao, should be interesting O_o

I feel like I'm talking everyone's ears off :/ Sorry! LOL!
Just had a LOT happen in the past few months lol, Selling everything, saving, exercising, working hard lol

How is everyone?
I feel so out of touch! What have we all been up to?

Steph xxx 

When planning our trip from New Zealand to Europe, I avidly scanned the internet for tips on travelling with an 18 month old. I found plenty on travelling with babies or older toddlers, but very little that helped me. I am not claiming to be an expert or to have all the answers but I thought that I’d write a wee blog of my experiences in the hope that it will help someone else.

Things to be aware of when you are booking:

• When there is turbulence, babies are not allowed to stay in bassinets. In the 4 flights that we recently took there was not one single flight that didn’t have at least one patch of turbulence. On the two flights that made up our outward journey, the fasten seatbelt sign was continually turned on and off, to the extent that we had to totally give up on even trying to use the bassinet. As this experience was on the outward journey, we were obviously cautious about using the bassinet on the return journey and our daughter ended up sleeping on my husband’s lap.
• Check the airline that you are travelling with to see what their policy is with regards to bassinets. Some only guarantee a bassinet for those travelling with a child under 8 months, other parents have to take pot luck. In 2010, Singapore Airlines gives all parent of children under 2 the right to use a bassinet.
  

The pro’s of a bassinet

• You are guaranteed a front row seat, so if you or your partner are tall, you are guaranteed good leg room.
• You have space in the floor in front of you for your child to stand, sit on the ground without disturbing others.
• Once the plane has take off, you have plenty of room to keep a bag at your feet without getting hassled by staff.
• We hardly used our bassinet for our daughter, but it was very handy for storing our gear in!

 

The cons of a bassinet

• As I have already said, turbulence, turbulence and turbulence. Not something that we had considered, but a severe limiting factor in the use of the bassinet for us!
• Consider the dimensions of the bassinet. Even though the airline that we travelled with had bassinets that were designed to carry something like 18kg, I don’t want to know what dimension said 18kg toddler would have! Our daughter was a good 10cm too long for her bassinet and looked distinctly uncomfortable in it.

Conclusions on a bassinet

So after all this negativity about bassinets, would I recommend them? Obviously, if the budget stretches to it, buy a seat for your child. But, if like us you can’t afford it then definitely go for a bassinet. I would just say be realistic in your expectations and be prepared to have your child sleeping on your knee.

Preparation for the journey

• We bought a small childrens book about air travel before we left and started reading it about a month before the journey. We found that although DD wasn’t very interested in the book before we left, she really enjoyed it on the plane and in the days after the journey. We had no problems with her at the airport, so we would like to think that the book prepared her for what was to come.
• Put all the things that you are likely to use during the flight in ONE piece of hand luggage in which everything is easily accessible. It makes life SOOO much easier!
• I bought some earphones for our wee girl a couple of months before we travelled and spent the next couple of months getting her used to wearing them. We filled the ipod with lots of childrens music and this kept her happy for short periods of time. The biggest problem with this was finding the right song that she wanted to! (the little monkey!)

On the plane

• Take lots of snacks. We found these a great way to avoid earache during take off and landing. With our daughter it is easier to continually feed her food than to make her drink on command as she doesn’t take a bottle.
• We are blessed with a non- fussy eater (most of the time!) so even though we had jars of baby food with us on the outward journey for meal times, we did not need to use it. We didn't bother to take any jars on the way back, but I guess that the decision on what to do rests with each individual parent.

• Its amazing how much fun you can have without resorting to traditional toys. We had great fun with the free socks that you get on long haul flights (using them as hand puppets; as long gloves for DD; hiding things in them etc…). We also used the inflight magazines to find pictures that DD would recognise (pussy cats, dogs, cows etc…)
• The following toys worked for us during the flight:
  • Stickers and coloured paper (I bought sheets of stickers from the $2 shop before we left and DD had great fun with these), they are also easily removable if they make it onto the plane seats etc… An added advantage of this was that DD arrived at Opa and Oma’s house with some beautiful(!?) artwork for them both.
  • Jigsaws. (I was dubious about taking these as I could see pieces being lost right left and centre, but in the end these were a great success and kept DD happy for long periods of time)
  • A hand puppet
  • A toy mobile phone (which is not noisy)
  • Lots of books
  • An ipod with music
• We took DD’s sleeping bag and comforter with us in hand luggage. These just served to reinforce that even though we  were in a strange place, it was time for bed.

And finally good luck for anyone thinking of travelling with a toddler. I hope that these we pointers have helped you out. Even though the journey can be a bit daunting, it is really worth it when you get to your destination!!!

This has not been a good year for me so far. I started off well, with a boyfriend who had just moved in with me and since then he moved out (left me broke and in a right mess), my nan died, then 2 weeks later my great nan died! I was just starting to get myself all sorted and settled again when last night my landlady dropped the bombshell that my house is sold and Ive got until the end of June to move out!! Im absolutely gutted!! My house has its faults but Id just decorated the kids rooms and got it looking nice. I know it will be all ok in the end but the thought of having to sort all the bills, and packing up all my stuff is filling me with dread!! Im normally so organised and just get on with things but for some reason I just cant get my head round this. Ive been online looking at houses but it just upsets me.....I cant even put it off for a few days cos I dont have long and it takes weeks to get everything all sorted for moving. Luckily, I have a nice circle of friends nowadays who have all offered to help.....Im not good at asking for help but I think I might have to swallow my pride and lean on them a bit! Financially is going to be real struggle....Ive got no savings so Im going to have to borrow some money.....Ill be paying that back for goodness knows how long but I dont have any other option.
Sorry for the moan but they say a problem shared is a problem halved...lol.

Hi all....

Well its only been a few weeks since Richard left but in that time Ive turned my life around! I dont know if it was his departure or the death of my nan that prompted it but Ive realised that life is too short to stay indoors.  Suddenly Ive got more energy and Ive been really proactive!

For a long time Ive been so lonely but havent really had the courage or ummph to do anything about it. I started by joining facebook again which I deactivated last year. Ive also joined an english social networking site for parents. I was very brave and posted a message on the ‘meet a mum’ board. I didnt think Id get anything back but Im overwhelmed by the response I got. ...so many mums who felt the same way I did. Last week I was out meeting new people on 3 days and this week Im fully booked....lol! Ive also got my name down for swimming classes with Mimi and on Thursday Im being super brave by going to a toddler group. They are my pet hate as I always thought they were so clicky but Im going with some of the people Ive met. Its much easier when you know someone.

Basically I decided I needed to get a life! The weird thing is that I dont miss Richard at all. It just feels like a relief that hes gone. He was so awful during the break up and wouldnt even leave me in peace to come to terms with my nans death...he just demanded that I pack all his stuff. The problems I had with his ex have also gone...I saw her the other day but I turned around and walked away. Shes very petty and is probably loving the fact weve split but ‘I DONT CARE’!! All thats in the past now and Im moving on.

As for men...well ive made the decision not to actively persue meeting any. Im happy on my own and dont need the complication. Also I have to put my kids first as all this has hurt them (esp. Josh) a lot. If someone does come along then I wont make the mistake of jumping i so quick.

So there you go...it just goes to show that from rubbish can come something new and much better...lol

My partner has just walked out about 30  mins ago....Im devastated!.  I really thought we had a shot and I didnt think would ever happen. I feel its my fault as Ive been very down recently....weve had problems with his ex...she basically used me as an excuse to play games. Ive also had issues with my sons dad doing the same and I found out last friday that my nan has days to live. Because of all this Ive been depressed and I cant function properly....I try but its hard. Ive told him in the last couple of weeks how Im feeling  but it just hasnt sunken in. Last weekend he had his kids for a stay which is great but as I found out the same day about my nan I really wanted him to be there for me...he wasnt....instead deciding to stayed away and forgot about me as he admitted tonight. I cant live like this as I a wanted him to at least acknowledge me...instead he just ignored and didnt even see if I was ok. Big argument errupted and Im now crying and alone....no one to turn to as its 12.08 in the night here. Its so crap, why has this happened when I was trying so hard. I hate him so much now....especially as Im left with nothing...no money to pay bill and rent etc....I dont work and it will take weeks for the benefits from the government to kick in. Im so scared and wish Id never moved in with him.

Hi, my 8yr old boy has been diagnosed with adhd. The school got the ball rolling saying he fidgits and plays up in class. We had two visits to Whiriniki here in Auckland and they went to his school in 2008. My problem is I don't believe he is ADHD, HE DOES HAVE A PROBLEM DEALING WITH HIS ANGER, (and doesn't know how to handle it). The school started this in 2006, when my boy was 6yrs, his teacher then was in her first year of teaching straight out of training college. I told them that he was too young to take the retinol, and that I didn't have a problem with him at home, bar the angry outburst, (which doesn't help that his two older sisters pick on him and that dad got made redundant late that year - so he is constantly home and I am unable to get any quality mummy time.) The next year, Year 3 he had a lovely teacher who had just come over from England, she seemed to handle him quite nicely until the 4th term and then I think from under pressure from the "Team" of teachers who had previously requested treatment got onto Whiriniki again, we put him on retinol once in the morning and his teacher seemed to be able to handle him. (but I was still not happy he was on them!). Well in Year 4, I did not give him any retinol in the 1st term, I kept asking the teacher if he was ok, and she said he was, until the last week of term I told her he had not been taking the tablets, well in Term 2 the whole situation changed, notices of bad behaviour came home, I asked my son about it and both times he said another child had instigated the situation and he was sticking up for himself,. But the "TEAM" started on him again, and he ended up taking a tablet

Hello again!
Cant believe it is one year later and things are still getting better.  My DH was awarded his permanent residence permit yesterday! YAY!!! I however have been declined a medical waiver on the grounds that I have to be 5 yrs cancer free before I can reapply.  I will be able to apply for a work permit which will help with paying the medical bills that Immigration insists will be due within the next 5 yrs.
Well I am adamant that I will not only survive the next 5 yrs but will be CLEAR of the C.  I am relieved that DH has residence though becoz he is a little older than I and needed to establish himself before 55.  I still have 9 years before I get there! So time is on my side.
In the last year my strength has begun to improve.  this morning I have hung 3 loads of laundry including towels, sheets and blankets and can still talk without crying in pain! My right arm still gets swollen and on some days I still have to take a lie down as the fatigue makes me hit a wall.  I am doing much better now! I don't have to ring for help to do the wash!!! LOL I can still see the funny looks on friends faces when asked to hang my sheets  and towels!
Well ! that is the story so far.  We are Kiwi's as long as we are together and nothing happens to DH.  We will continue to live one day at a time and love our country of choice.  I still love this country even though they consider my disease to be of higher worth than I am.